Home before the Earthquakes

We had a few uneventful days in Lima before we flew back to Amsterdam on a "make your kids puke, hot flight" with KLM. I then got into a small disagreement with the KLM nerd at the connection desk when he said I would have to leave my Duty Free behind, despite the fact it was bought at another airport, sealed and security tagged and had not left a, my sight b, an airport compound.
Like hell that was going to happen so, for the millionth time this life, I ran through Schiphol airport in tears about to miss my flight for 2 bottles of Gin and a bottle of Tequila ( expensive Gin!) and got back to departures (duty frees checked in) with seconds to spare. I am getting too old for these Zola Budd sprints, but like the skid marks in the desert at Nazca my red headed, pig headed no surrender attitude took over.
We landed 3 days before the terrible earthquakes that shook Ica, Lima and the surrounding area, and this years adventure is over.

Work Sucks.

How much more............

Our Holiday is starting to turn into a Monty Python sketch.
On the last day in the jungle we went on a swift city tour of Iquitos including snake farms, Zoos, Bora Bora tribes, tribes I can´t remember the name of tribes, markets, Eiffel's steel house and other miscellaneous attractions around the town.

We needed a room as we has one more night before our flight out of the jungle but, couldn´t get one, as it was high season. The only room available was the presidential suite in the El Dorado on the square in the centre of the town. Which we reluctantly decided would fit our purposes.
After settling into the room, the girls and I decided to try all the free facility's. I was so pleased there were complementary razors. I no longer have legs like "Jane of the Jungle".
The Jacuzzi didn´t seem to like me and began pelting high speed jets of water at me and the bathroom soon began to fill will a large volume of water. Roland 'nowhere to be seen' Jonas was missing in action and it took some time for my screaming on the balcony to attract the attention of the staff.
The lights started to flicker and by the time it was switched off the carpet in the foyer was sodden. Needless to say that room will never be the same again. I didn´t try the sauna this time.

Ship to shore S.O.S Rolys in the drink!

After facing another bush tucker challenge in the restaurant of the jungle lodge and a guess the mystery fruit drink for breakfast game, our guide took us for a river trip.

It turned out to be in a dug out canoe which had a hole in the base, but he had mended it with mud! Roland and the girls neither swim or canoe, so you can imagine my surprise when Roland sat in the back with a paddle. Everything was going swimmingly, as far as it can in a small waterlogged dug out on the mighty Amazon when we ran a ground. The river is very low at this time of year and lots of trees are just under the surface of the water. Our guide dived in a freed the boat so we could carry on. I turned to Roland and said how nice that the guide had jumped in to free the boat. Roland reply was a strange when he said that " well he should have steered us away from the bank".
Whilst digesting the above statement for Roger irrelevant himself, there was a loud bang and the canoe almost went over and started to fill up with water. The girls were screaming and Roland was in the drink. As he can´t swim this posed a large problem for the the remainder of our trip! I practises my sad wife's face and wondered how to explain this unfortunate incident to the family and friends etc.............
No I didn´t.
I shouted to the guide and both he and I dived in to save him. The water was not clean. I manged to tow the canoe to the bank and flag down a passing coal boat for a ride back to the lodge. It was now that Roland explained his earlier comment as he had not been paddling and steering the canoe as the man in the back does, but using his paddle like a rudder. The rudder must have got stuck in a sunken tree which almost capsized the boat and plunged Roland in the water. My hair is now like dry sea weed and I smell like a ditch.

Jungle Shower..

This has to be a better option than a jungle shower. Which if you didn't know is a cold shower inside if you are lucky. In the jungle your clothes really suffer from the humidity? What I mean is they are slimy, sweaty and never seem to dry out at all. Its a bit like wearing a damp old flannel all day!

The locals bathed in the amazon in the evening whilst we faced a freezing cold jungle shower!

Monkey trouble

Today we went to monkey island were we played with some monkeys (you can see Roland really enjoyed it!) and were robbed by both the monkeys and the island owners!

One of the little treasures tried to steal my credit cards and the island owner massively overcharged us for some monkey t- shirts, which did for a short while stop us washing our clothes in the river!

Hammock on the river.

This was the exact moment that Piper no longer wanted to be in touch with nature or any other wild/domestic animals.


We were swinging idly in the hammock room after a rather large dinner when this parrot swooped down and attacked Piper. Piper was too afraid to move, so Darcey hit it with a stick!

Darcey and Tony

Darcey has made a new friend

Surely this is a another money shot James?

Hot Tuna

Went Pirhana fishing. I caught.......0 Roland caught........0 Children combined total..........0. The guide cut off part of his heal for bate with a big machete. Still no fish.

Hotter is better?

We got a very nice hotel San Isidro with hot water and a little man who wanted to carry our bags. No fleas or anything!
In the morning we took a short flight to Iquitos which is a small town in the middle of the jungle that can only be accessed by air or the Amazon River. It puts a whole new level in the chicken bus category. The plane we landed on was carrying crates of baby chicks and the buses were stacked high up to the sky with every sort of provision imaginable. And, it is hot.
Our guide was there to meet us with a ¨Claire Jonas" sign. (Twice in one life time....prompt JN,FA!) and shepherded us nicely around the town and onto the river. It took about an hour full throttle up the Amazon to reach our lodge. It was dark. Very dark. The boat very fast, and the water alarming close to the top of the boat. Even the chickens were worried!

After a welcome drink I have never tasted the flavor of before we were shown to our room.

Oasis

Full, drunk and almost clean at the Oasis!

All dune activities have been suspended until after we leave as someone has been injured (Update - killed when his dune buggy overturned) on the sand. :-(

Fake.

We took the night bus to Nazca.
They are crap unless you are four foot fu*ck all. So, unfair to the long legged Europeans (using this term very lightly!) We ended crumpled up in the beautiful town of Nazca at 5.45 am. And this is called a holiday? After I smacked a few tour guides about, we manged to walk into the town which was approx. 3 blocks away!

We found a great guy who let us crash at his place whilst he did his best to get us a flight into the desert. Must point out that I have no desire to die chasing somebody Else's fantasy, But, there was no way I was going to stand in the desert all day watching some tourists flap about the Nazca lines......... I took the first flight!!

It was excellent and I was not sick, They girl in the front seat WAS!
It is made by either Alien's and/or some people who got sick of crop circles!
We took a chicken bus onto Ica and then onto the Oasis!